My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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