ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
