I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
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