True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize