I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You need Xanax blowdarts
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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