Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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