so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
