Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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