You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
