So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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