You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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