I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
