My cat gives me a boner
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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