Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
