Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
