after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
