mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
