I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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