forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
