and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
