I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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