Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
