meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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