Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
