I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
