my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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