I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize