3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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