guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
