so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
