after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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