can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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