Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize