You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just blew my weed a kiss
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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