I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
How does one acquire holy water?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
