some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
