I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
