I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
