moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
