Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
