If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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