So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
