chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
