I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
