Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
