i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
