can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
