i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
