you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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