I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
