I heard we made out
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
