masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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