To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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