i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
