OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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