Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
