Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
