We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
