Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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