OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize