just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
