sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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