yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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